Having More Sex: How to Not Let Problems Go Too Long

The best I’ve seen in research is that the more empathic you are as a person, partly to do with agreeableness and some neuroticism, the more activated your pain systems are when you see others in pain.

              Regardless of where you fall on this, but especially if you are higher on agreeableness and neuroticism, you have to follow a few steps to not ruin your life with resentment.

1.       Identify the problem

2.       Negotiate a compelling and mutual solution to that problem

That’s it.

              The hard part is being the kind of person that can follow these two steps while filling your life with friends, community and a spouse who can also do this in an efficient way.

              Oh, and communication is not the secret to a healthy relationship. That’s total nonsense because culture and the social sciences have defined communication as, “You must agree with what I say about this or you’re a bad communicator.” 90% of the time it’s a therapist and their wife saying that to a man in couple’s counseling so no wonder men don’t want to go to couple’s or therapy at all. Therapy and psychology have failed men, and by extension, women.

              Last thing. Make sure you are identifying the problem and not the symptom of a problem. If you’re not having enough sex in the relationship, the solution is most likely not that you two don’t know enough positions. There’s a core reason why someone would not want to have sex which could be anything from resentment, health, infidelity or a partner’s conscious or unconscious understanding that they are not living the life they should be. When we are not moving towards a constructive direction, sex and pleasure falls off and is replaced with depression or anxiety which turns into too little sex, unenthusiastic sex or acting out sex get the anxious feeling out.

              And if you’re in a sexless relationship, you’re far gone and you can guarantee that problems were let go too long. Admittedly, sometimes we were never going to see it and it’s the other person’s problem. We can’t see and mitigate all bad things. But sometimes it’s because we didn’t have the courage to confront pathology within ourselves or others. When in this position, discriminate to understand how it happened. Remember, everything isn’t your fault and you’ll never see all bad things coming your way. Suffering is inevitable and we are to do our best to not add needless suffering.

              So, let’s fix the sex and other problems in your relationships.

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